Cover letter for an introvert

I’ve thought, more than once, that life would be a whole lot easier if we we approached forming new friendships and relationships the way we approach other big life decisions – it seems silly that we find our best friends and soul-mates after just a few minutes of conversation in a pub, but won’t hire someone to wash our socks until we’ve seen a multi-page CV and heard glowing recommendations from 3 former employers.

I think introverts like me, particularly, get the short end of the stick in social situations. We’re not so good at the social ease thing, and maybe handing out our CVs with cover letters like the one would make us seem less ‘socially awkward’ or ‘stabby’ as we sometimes appear.


introverts

From: me

The awkward girl standing in the corner

Studying her drink intently and not speaking to anyone

 

To: you

The normal person over there

With the fully developed social skills

 

Re: Cover letter for an introvert (Ref: 0H-GOD-H3LP-M3)

Dear sir/madam

Congratulations! This cover letter serves as notice of my aspirations to socially interact with you!

Therefore, please consider this letter and the attached CV as my formal application for the post of new friend/pleasant acquaintance/fantastic girlfriend/tolerated neighbour in your company*.

I’m sure that as you read this letter, you are asking yourself “why the heck AM I reading this letter?? Isn’t this from that weird girl who I met earlier in a public space/the elevator/through a mutual associate? The one who stuttered over her words/seemed unnecessarily nervous when I looked at her/had her mouth uncomfortably full of food when I attempted to engage her in polite conversation/silently fled from my presence for no apparent reason?”

Source: 9gag.com

Source: 9gag.com

And my reply would be “yes”, those would all be perfectly accurate examples of things I have done the first time that I met a new person. But let me assure you that I was not being intentionally rude, nor am I mentally unsound in any way (well…). I am simply an introvert, which means that I’m not so good at the social interaction thing until I’ve had a few tries, and even then I need to balance it out with quiet time alone. Let me assure you though, that I am certainly qualified enough to fill the aforementioned position. Let me share just a few of my positive attributes with you:

  • Introverts are known for being much more empathetic than our silence-challenged counterparts (extroverts). This, combined with our famous reluctance (some would say inability) to talk, mean that I will happily listen to whatever you have to say about any given topic.
  • I spend a lot of time thinking, so I am able to give you insightful(ish) opinions on your problems.
  • I have a large collection of worthy books, movies and other media, painstakingly acquired throughout my years of preferring to spend Saturday nights alone.
  • I have a mortal fear of conflict and confrontation, and will probably never ever interrupt you.
  • Whenever you want to hang out, there’s a really good chance that I’ve got no other plans and so can make it.

When considering the above benefits of having a relationship with me, you’ll note that they seem to far outweigh any of my negative attributes! For the sake of informed consent, however, I feel you should know what some of those drawbacks are:

  • I am not good with meeting new people, particularly when they are in large, terrifying groups.
  • While I do enjoy spending time with other humans, such interaction can be draining and after a while I need to recharge by being alone.
  • I am only outgoing and overtly friendly (and therefore a good wingwoman) if I am very, very drunk. And then I run the risk of chundering on your intended, which is going to hurt your chances somewhat.
  • No clubs. Absolutely. No. Freaking. Clubs. They are less fun then a trip to a dentist to me, people who don’t hear me normally sure as hell won’t hear me when we’re in a room designed to cause us partial deafness, and the thought of a whole bunch of strangers watching my awkward dance moves is the stuff of my nightmares. I really cannot stress this enough. NO CLUBS!
  • My designated spot at any and all social gatherings is by the snack table, where I will only be sociable with our host’s pets.

 

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to your response and can be reached via phone, email, snail mail, messenger pigeon, smoke signals and powerful telepathic thought. My physical address is:

In my pajamas

Tucked in bed

In my house

Alone

 

Kindest regards,

That introvert, who really does try.


 

So to all my fellow introverts – don’t worry, you’re not alone and psychologists have said some very nice things about our personality type!

And for everyone else – who is potentially looking to add a new introvert to their lives, or those who have had introverts for years and just want to care for them well – understand us, that we don’t want to be “fixed” because there’s nothing “broken” about us. Learn to love us despite the quirkiness, because you can be sure that we love you, despite your big mouths. And finally, that I’m seriously serious about the club thing.

 

*’company’ has 2 definitions: firstly, an actual place of business where one could be expected to send a cover letter along with an application, and secondly to be in someone’s presence or in fellowship with them. God, I’m punny.

 

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About robykirk

Robyn was born and raised in Johannesburg, South Africa, still isn't dead and despises writing in the third person. She received her undergraduate degree at Rhodes University, having completed a Bachelor of Arts in Politics, History and Journalism at the end of 2013 and completed her Honours in Journalism (career entry) at Wits University in Johannesburg during 2014. From April 2015 until March 2016 she worked as the Communications Intern for the MRC/Wits Agincourt Research unit in rural Mpumalanga. This blog is a collection of the work produced: - for the Wits University student newspaper and website Wits Vuvuzela during 2014 - during her internship at MRC/WIts Agincourt Research Unit (2015/2016) and independent blogging (2014-present). Robyn is interested in everything besides sports and mean people. In the past she has specialised in photojournalism and television journalism, and considers visual media to be one of her strongest skills. She decided to become a journalist because learning about other people’s lives was more fun than putting on pants and having her own. Follow her on Twitter: @RobyKirk

Posted on May 20, 2015, in blog updates and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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